This song sucks

Let’s check my head out.

If all goes according to plan, I should be back to menial tasks tomorrow. I’ll go to the DMV, get lunch, hang out with Miles, go to McArthur and get my Mac looked at. This makes sense, but there’s still the fact that I feel mentally awful.

I’m not at the worst level I was years ago, or even more recently. I just don’t know how to feel, really?  The people who want to talk to me, do. It’s great, but some of the people I want to talk to, don’t want to talk to me -or do they? Sure we make face time in real time, but are we just doing this as a means of manners? I want to be of some sort of value to everyone. I don’t know if I can be.

After the GM fallout, I didn’t know what to do.  It now seems to be clear as hell. I need to see if I can take a couple summer classes and get aid for them, and then take a normal courseload and graduate. I need to get away from college. It’s starting to turn out like high school. I get it-I’m not very good with human relationships and I’m a lonely person. I need to get a job and worry about doing what’s good for me, I guess.

I’m making as many new friends as I am losing old ones. Well not losing really, they’re just going other places. There’s still time, but I don’t feel like there’s anyone I can open up to, anymore.

What’s my worth? I don’t know.

Maybe I’ll graduate early, maybe I’ll get a new car, maybe I’ll get a job, maybe I won’t have to deal with all this.  People keep letting me down, I suppose.

Maybe.

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~ by mrflash on December 22, 2008.

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