Watch Batteries:Trashcan needs washing.

At one point in time, I owned a Linkin Park album. Was it a smart move? I don’t know, because you don’t ask a twelve-year-old for what a “smart move” is, unless they happen to have Heelys. I think. When you’re 12, you can identify with a song that says “I’m one step closer to the edge! And I’m about to break!” YEAH! Being a kid in middle school with depression, that shit spoke to me. Then they waited, released an album, added a piano, I didn’t care as much. You would think that after Mike Shinoda goes and does Fort Minor (complete with the everyfuckingwhere “Where’d Ya Go?” and part arena jam, part math lesson “Remember the Name”), Mr Hahn does videos, Chester does whatever the hell he does, and they all work with THE GREATEST RAPPER ALIVE, that they would grow.

I guess I’ll never learn. What do they do? They revert to their old ways, with paint-by-numbers alternative rock that makes 30 Seconds to Mars sound genius (which is really really really really hard to do). Their first single, “What I’ve Done” is a drone fest (not a good one) that is accompanied by an over-saturated video chock full of hit ’em right in the sensory fest visuals. Mmmm, easy way out! The worst part about this is the decision to use it as the first single. Where’s the rapper? You guys have a rapper, right? Like, he had his own project? Could you get Jay-Z on the hook, at least? A sample? No, no, no you’re out of luck. Instead, they just let a guy named Chester (fucking lame) scream for three mintues and the kids EAT IT UP YUMMY GOOD. For their second single, however, they get a little smarter and let Mike talk. He likes talking because he makes sense and gets to shout “anti-emo” (I guess) raps about putting this noose somewhere else. Possibly on top of a roof! While the intro is simple, the chorus is less complicated than breathing. Using what I can only describe as “anti-emo” stylizing, Chester (Cheesy!) tells us that he’s gonna “bleed it out, just to throw it away”. I have no idea what he’s bleeding out, or why he has to throw it away. He needs a therapist, or better yet, to stop making records. The sound is bland, the lyrics make fourth grade poetry sound awesome (wait, I wrote a really great acrostic then, and I used a dictionary), and people still buy it. Here’s hoping Jack and Meg have people wanting to rawk.

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~ by mrflash on June 14, 2007.

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